Life Life....

I think i can never write enough about the garbage in my mind. Ofteni write just so rubbish and silly things about myself that when i read them back.....it leaves me in such a crazy situation. Right now..everythings going on fine with me. At my level..i have the best of life....i m just out of college...i have good friends...a well paid job. I should have been like my friends ... they seem to enjoy every part. But i just dont know what is wrong with me. I am never actually able to enjoy life. I have ajob....but in my mind i am thinking to search for a new one....and i do not know why. Am i trying to run away from the challenges i have infront of me now? i am not sure..but i would not like to do that. I read blogs and there are a whole lot people like me. They just expect so much from life. May be that is human nature but patience is one thing. I know my problem..i am very impatient. I rush with things. I am in a new office..people are friendle there..and whoever is not i think my ever smiling face works there. People just start believing in me so much..i do not know what makes them feel that i am one of the smartest people around. That actually creates problem. I have to struugle with myself to actually live upto their expectations and work at their level. Right now i do not have any idea as to what i am capable of......where i can reach. I sure have lot of dreams like everyone else..they actually materialize one day or not....that is one other thing. I admire myself at times. I am happy this moment and suddenly i feel sad. I believe people easily and people taje advantage of that sometimes...actually many a times. I expect people to be kind and good and everything..i think everybody is like that but i am realizing that its not the case. Noone ever thinks about others. All they are concerned is about them them n only them. I think i need to change.....but again i feel i am just doing fine. When will i have a balance and make a bottomline for myself..i dont know. These days i am going to office early...i spend time there..i am actually learning these days not working. I see people who actually look like they are getting mad due to their work. I dont know how i will survive all this. This might be a problem everyone has and may be i am just reacting. It could be anything...MUSIC..that keeps me alive here also. I am just happy listening to any musix thy are playing here on FM..that actually brings me some peace. Friends.....roomates...i have. But everybody lives for themselves...even me. I think we need to change this..but may be thats not possible. Gettinmg lost in the intricacies of life is the worst thing that can happen. I have seen people having big big hopes ..dreams...aspirations...but in the end they are just living an average life.....not just worth it.