Long time..just a hi!

Well......as they say..Long time..no see!! Now this is quite the same. Its been long since i put up something into my well-talked-about blog. Much has changed like it does everyday..small changes..big changes.....no changes. Yet, it seems all the same. I cant believe i am 8 months into this job..this very first job i had..and yet everyday has seemed to be different yet it seems all the same. This is relative right? The small picture and the big one...this and that...blah n blah...mish n mash....well well..

Ok..in between all these days quite a lot of things happened..like my office changed...and the thing i cherished the most..no travel time...10 minutes is nothing i guess..turned into a mind boggling somewhere around 2 hours which prompted me to THINK about changing my house. I am still thinking on those lines...only thinking ok. Other thing which happened was that i made some new friends..went on a weekend trip to a place called Matheran....a good place to be...but then after travelling for so many years in the ups b downs of our great Himalayas...these small hills..like the ones in matheran dont really made me open my mouth to get that fresh chilled air which was hardly there....But it is a good place...good for a change from the heat and dust aned crowd and traffic and trains and buses and people and people and people eveywhere. The best thing there...no vehicles ..not at all...all i saw in the name of some automobile there was an ambulance and i kept thinking..how could iy have come here..because we had to trek to reach there..a toy train might take u there..but we dint take it..walking was more fun.....

I also came to realize that i would hardly ever be happy doing this job....this job doesnt mean i have any grudges with my job as such..it is a good job..good colleagues.n all..but maybe i dont fit into Mumbai....maybte a smaller place would suit me?..but aaargh..only if wishes could be horses..n i could hop onto one of the dark stallion..and ride my way to somewhere in the cool and peace of the hills...!!

I have seen quite a lot in Mumbai now....lots of places...lots of bars n mueseums...oh yah...some funny things i saw...like last week i was coming back at night from Dadar station...at around 11 ..and there was this bi broad sign.NO HAWKERS....right under it..and for as long as you can see..there were people with round baskets selling virtually everything .....thats not the thing to be noticed..somewhere somehow someone came to know a policeman was coming their way.....i hardly could blink my eye and i saw those hawkers shooing away with their baskets over thier heads....it seemed more of a formality..like as if they went away as a sign of "respect" for that policeman...and yah..there he emerged..from the crowd...a hero...looking on the sides to make sure that nobody is selling anything on the streets......its common police guys getting paid to overlook things,,but i saw it for the first time. I walked a few steps..and there were these lot of young girls standing near the rails..each one trying to look their best and besides them...a fat black woman with flowers all over her hair..guess she had more no. of flowers then the hairs...waiting..for what? I was just trying to think and collate it with all those movies i saw ..but then my friend said..." Item log hai.....u want one?"...it isnt hard to guess.........I like Mumbai for one thing..here everything is possible......and u get to see so many different things......thats there..but apart from that...everyday is a struggle......i am amazed how people have been so for so many years.,..same local train..same office...same run......and yet everyday is a new day for them......i just pray ....n try that let me get out of here very soon....i need to get outta this madness ......guess i am not

RED GREEN YELLOW

I generally take a rick to get to the office in the mornings. Well, theres this traffic signal near to the office where everyday i get stuck up for 5 minutes. So, everyday thers something to see there. Well, on the footwalk, there is a family ...some workrer family ....who seem to be living there. Everyday i am seeing them. A typical scene there would involve them having water in a small round vessel. They wud be washing 2 or 3 dishes which they have..but before that they wud make sure that they have washed whatever clothes they have in the same water. There are three bricks between which they have stuffed some wood and they are trying to cook something in a broken pot. Thers a mat which is hung up for use at night. Its fully torn and the kids are seen playing with some pebbles they colleected along the way. They do not have any clothes on and probably they will grow up yo become the way there parents are. I feel ashamed of myself writing it all, coz theres nothing that i am doing for them.

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There are heaps an heaps of people all over ... its all about survival. They work in the day....whatever they get they feed themselves...they get back to sleep wherever they get place..on the roadside...on the footpath...inside the big round pipes...on the sand piled up for construction work...thers no stopping. And well...no wonder if some drunk guy drives his SUV over them.

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Yess....here in this place people generally dont take up anything well. If you are trying to help someone..make sure you be ready to be hit back..i was at this train station yesterday..long queue..i had to wait half an hour to get the ticket itself. There was this old man standing in the front..so well he dint have change and the person refused to give him a ticket after bullying him. The old man(he wsnt very old..but old enugh to be called old)...just muttered something..he looked pretty helpless...coz it meant he wont be getting the ticket unless he got the change. Ok...I just offered that i will buy him the ticket instead. WEll...maybe this is something i shudnt have done coz all i got back was screaming and embarassment. So helpiing here is a crime. So you do nt have to try this. This is not the only experience ..thats why i am saying this. Mumbai is not a very friendly place...people seem to be all preoccupied with themselves. They see..but they ignore. Thats the way it is darling!!

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Pretty long time has passed since i just put up something here in this space. Maybe just that i did not get anything to muse about, because life these days seems to be a routine work trying to find a much needed balance between work and trying to catch up with other things. Now this is something that might be hard to explain and maybe people struggle whole lives to have this. IS IT??

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Well..i have been reading books and the book that i am reading now is " Wrestling the Dragon" which is about the XVII Karmapa, the kid Lama who fled away form Tibet. Its something thats of interest to me coz i think i have been alway been fascinated and excited to learn more about Buddhism.. about Tibet and should i say...History?? i am not very sure about this. So, thats what i am currently doing now.

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Office front....ya i m holding my ground betwen everyday tensions....bullies. BULLSHITS! There is talk going on that my office might be shifted to a new place and if this happens, this might take me more than an hour travelling to the place. Duuuuuudeeee....now where does that land me up!
the kingdom of deep shit???

FIRE IN THE HOLE!!

So it was another weekend gone by....and well there was nothing very eventful except that i almost butnt the pan .... i just put up there something to cook and then well.....i forgot it..i got busy watching some new videos and well....after sometime ..my friend got in..and almost choked...it was all smoke n ...nonono..no fire..thank god...ot it wud have been pretty bad.....the pan was almost on the verge of being flowing out like what....hot lava?? no..it wasnt tht bad either..soo.....it just happened.

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Now i am famous ..or infamous..whatever you say. Well..i havw this very bad habit of forgetting my mobile everywhere n everytime....and its been atleat 3 or 4 times that i just kept it at my desk and the other friend of mine..who sits next to me..he would take it..keep it hiddedn and then i'll be allll time searching for it. I juast keep on forgetting that...and everytime its with him...but i am forgetting things....itsss bad!! its really bad.

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Ok another thing happend..interesting..(maybe ..of sorts)...well this Mumbai local...i am still not used to it..i avoid as i can. Well so the other day i had to travel in it. I had a second class ticket..i was waiting for the train....it came..i cudnt get in..too much rush...another came...nopes..stil not..third came...not even this one...so well i decided..that i cant get inside....so i just got thought maybe i can get into the first class compartment(its a little..very little better)...though i dint have the ticket but its very common here to travel without a ticket..so anyways...i thought atleast i have the ticket...so i somehow managed to get inside. So well thers one more thing to add here. The people who travel by tht first class know cam make it out that who is travelling withoiut ticket or who just got into this first class compartment.

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So as i got in...i heard someone screaming(not at me)..hey you..this is first class comp..get out...the poor guy who looked black with sweat n all.....was literally thrown out. The same guy tells me.....these ppl na...they travel without tickets and get inside..they shud be beaten( i was almost imagining how it would be like if someone came to know even i dint ave proper ticket)....so but neways...i just smiled and nodded. I went to the far corner//in between lot of people....i was almost happy that atleast i got in and no ticket checking ..no nothing..my bad luck..there was this toicket checker guy...he came straight to me...and said..ticket please....i stood still and figured out he wasnt talking to me....well the guy who he was talking to also dint have the proper ticket....so he took him with him...but wait......he wanted some more ppl whom he cud fine..he just said to me...sir, ticket please......

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The station had come..n i said..what yarr....letme get dowm first..but he wont let go...so anyways..what he said..ok come with me..held me by my hand(like i am a thief or something)....at that moment..i suddenly remembered... (last week there was a picture in newspaper...the caption read)....people traveling without tickets...i sudenly became adventorous..i thought hey llookk....fianlly..i might get to know what a lockup is like...i imagined that i am calling my friends..they are at the police station...but then we got to the office...and he sent rest of the without ticket guys in to another roopm..told me to stay...n asid..sir..what do you do....i just blah blahed something..and showed him my card...i tried to be stern and like..."its not my fault..i was pushed by crowd into this first class compartment" types....well but..he came to know i was in a bank..and said..look u can pay me 500 bucks....whatt!!! i can trvel to delhi from mumbai in that same money in a better kind of compartment...he said thats a fine....he gave me the other option...or you can come with me to the police station...what?? am i really going there..yahoo!!! but on second thought ....no yarr..let me pay this guy(in siomple words..thats a bribe)..i took a 100 rupee note...and said look(old... bald.. fat... idiot... bastard....i said these in myhead) what came out was...look sir( bastard..fk u !)...i got only this much....he was like..hahaha...heyy this is fine ok..nothing less than 300..i said i dont have any..he said 200...well i gave him 150...fianlly...i wish i cud have kicked him hard...i kicked that coke can instead...it almost hit that lady..thank god it didnt or she wud have yelled at me...(oye andha hai kya!!)..thats another experince at mumbai......but that rush at the station..it is maddening....mad mad mad ...........

Tiger Anthem

Well.....i just came through this beautiful poem in Tigers thing on the WWF india website....

I too say....Save the tiger......Respect its Life. Respect Life..not only yours or of the tiger......but of every creature on this earth. Well...maybe we can learn to respect that. Belonging to a place where probably the worlds biggest tiger population thrives read Jim Corbett National Park...i know that these creatures do not have a lot of space to live in......we are eating out in to their place....worse still....we are killing them.....Join the Save the Tiger Campaign here....

http://www.wwfindia.org/about_wwf/what_we_do/tiger_wildlife/tigermosaic/index.cfm

..Seeing them in a zoo doesnt give the slightiest ideas as to how marvellous therse creatures look like in the wild..and how nature has bestowed on them the sheer power ... the might..the ROAR...Belive me, the world wont look good with only the Freaky Humans in it....maybe we should save it for ourselves...Hers that good sounding Anthem..The tiger Anthem:

My son asked me the other day

Do we have tigers only in the zoos

My teacher tells me the forests are gone

The deers are gone, wild animals are gone

The king of the junge now kills our cattle

Poachers on his trail Now people live where once he lived

His skin is up for sale.

I said son, your teacher's not fully right

Tigers are in danger, but still they survive

You can still see them in the wild Sure I will take you there someday

The future of the tiger still hangs by a thread

But the battle is still not lost We don't wanna see tigers only in the zoos

We'll save them at any cost And its now or never, for the future of the tiger

It is time to decide if we wanna see the tigers in the wild

And he looked you in the eye, When you shot him, before he died

It is time that we ensure we gave the tigers a safe home.

Well son, the tiger needs your support In you his future lies

If the tigers live, the forests live

And we need it for us to survive

I take the vow not to buy anything

That has tiger part

And I will try my best to gain all support

For the tiger with all my heart And its now or never....

A day like no other

A day i will not atleast in the next few months. Ya. Thats for sure. I dint go to office today, without any particular reason. I just wanted a break..from that office. So i just called up one senior in the morning. And i faked...i told i have headache and dysentery. I had to think a lot..before i just called him up. I actually shouldnt have done it. Later on, I did feel guilty for telling a lie. And well..i am also not going to repeat that. But this day it became special in its own very kind. It was very different because the whole day i was all alone.....all alone in my flat..with noone besides me..no chitter chatter......and i enjoyed that. It was bliss. I spent the day reading books...cleaning my room....read old newspapers..had a chat with mum....and she also said i shudnt be doing this kind of thing.....just because that if something makes you feel guilty..you should not do it...Well..it was like listening to the heart and not to the soul....though this isnt a very big thing i did..people keep doing this......telling lies..faking things....but maybe i dont like it.....i hated it when a colleague actually called me up and asked me how i was......i was perfectly well and ...i had to say tht i am this n that....my guilty conscience...!

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How many of we feel that we need this kind of a day in our life? A day when you want to clear your mind..spending the day all by yourself.....enjoying the solitude.....sometimes it feels so great when you are alone..at times it happens doesnt it? You want to go far far away....fay from the maddening rush...you dont want to be bothered by whats happening in this world.....you want to come in terms with yourself......you are able to enjoy even that omlette that you made for yourself alongwith two slices of bread....even if it gets burnt its ok.....it still looks good and tastes better....it tastes like the best lunch you had in the last few weeks? weell...I feel I need this kind of day......I need it...I want it....again.

Now..why i liked the day? Why i am also grateful that i took it off? Its because i was all alone...and someone who knows me well also knows that its perfect for me to be this way.....be alone....all by myself..i enjoy my solitude! and i did that today.....i think that from the day i came to this mad place..first time i was at peace with myself....and this world. I recreated old memories...i read books...i studied an old book which i had already read....i listened to music with low volume....and i was actually able to recount the days that i was having a year back..back at home.....back at the college.....with friends ..i took my time to thank god for eveything i have in this life......for that he has blessed me with more than i deserve...so thats also another reason why this day was special. I took a look at old photographs...my old stamp book..my old coins that i had collected. I took a small nap in the evening......now its evening....and i am writing this.

It is a day like no other......

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No more....

SILLY BILLY(This name is good....a good nick...isnt it? A new nut friend of mine gave it to me..thanks Nuts!)

I cant speak...

Finally today i went to the DON BOSCO SHELTER. For the past few weeks i had been thinking about that....finally today i went there. I was in touch with this girl Gayatri...who was actually taking care of volunteers like me. So i went there..met her..and i told her that i can help the kids with their studies ..... so well there i was..i got a lot of kids to teach.....n listen to them. I met this kid who is in 8th grade and needed help with his English. I saw those kids....n then i felt what is being deprived of something. They get amazed at seeing mobiles......they were super amazed to see the pod....and they were so much interested to study.

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That is something i was never interested in. Just maybe because i went to a good school with cool fancy teachers n i never felt the need of studying....i had books....all kind of books i always needed...wanted...and there they are....sleeping in a big hall.....lined up.........every night. getting up and going to the nearest municipality school...........still they want to study. They have got ambitions....and they are grateful that they are in a better place than the slums....they want to grow up to become good citizens, and that they say would be paying back to these good people who brought them here. Not all are like that.....there are kids who were into drugs...now having been rehabilitated...they are here at the shelter...

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Still they know they are better....but they want to get out of here..they want their life to be fast forwarded....somehow! They are keen to study. This kid i was teaching..he seemed so so interested to study. I taught him for two hours.it was lunch time but he didn't want to go...i was feeling hungry too..so i told him that please go...we will continue later.............in between there were lot of kids i met..asked their name....and in between this kid came...

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I just patted him on the shoulder and asked him his name...weelll....i think this was just something that made me feel very bad...very very bad. He just flicked his fingers over his ears an mouth....and i figured out he cannot hear...niether can he speak. What could i do ?

I couldnt say anything to him....he could hear anything...nor could i gesture....i just made him feel bad. I cursed myself for that. After that i dint ask anyones name. These kids ..their life has been made better for sure, but still they lack these proper facilities and all...and it is also understandable that they cannot get it all. They will have to struggle and make their way......and they will. This kid i was teaching...he made me realize that what it is like to be feeling alone....whats its like to be sleeping with 150 other kids....he told me that when everybody sleeps he goes out..looks into the sky and thinks...what are these stars? what is this group of three stars..is it called something? I tried to tell him that its called a constellation...but he couldn't pronounce it. Soo.taught him something...and then he asked me at least 5 times....you will come back next week na? What if you dont?..please be back....all i said ...why not ..i will be back certainly...n i will be back for sure.

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We all are very lucky that we have this life....we have the pleasure of sitting infront of or PCs ..reading blogs...being comfy in the sofas....having the newest designer.... stuffing cokes n burgers.....still people are not happy....why the hell? Everyones crying....over this...over that..taking anti depressants? making themselves more depressed..we deserve it? No..maybe we just wnt it? maybe we dont need it..........and like this song i am hearing..

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But today atleast i realize that god has given me enough to be happy....to make others happy...and if i dont use my life for this..if i dont do what i can..n if i dont do what i should......then no wonders for calling me an idiot!

A dull time

These days, all the while i kept looking for some place...some peace....some place where it could quiet, somewhere i could just sit alone..listen to the birds...think to myself....talk to myself....where no one is there to bother me...!! I never found it, i think i never will. So, what i do? Just stuff my earphones into my ears, with max volume i listen to John Denver....He is such a great singer. Am i getting mad or something?? I dont know but i am just not getting in to this screwed up mad rush city mode...i dont like the way people are living here...everybody lives their own life...just being selfish all the time...no time for anything...and also , now i think i understand why people are all looking for spirituality, yoga, meditation....may be that provides them some respite from the.

And worse is that, now i find myself strifing through the newspapers on sunday for the cathartic articles. Those all sound sweet for sometime, and you think that yes, this is the mantra to perfect everything!! But is it really? I dont know.

Although i have been one of those 'happy-go-lucky' type of persons, which i think i still am, but i dont feel good about it anymore like i used to. I guess this doesnt work. Sometime, being very enthusiatic also sucks you know. i think its just too early to say if this is right or wrong in the context which i am referring this to.

Well, all this doesnt make sense to me, all this i have written, i am basically very very confused now, i am very tensed, i am very worried about things for which i am not responsible..and i dont know if should be really worrying about it or not!! is this it??
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1108911753

All in all, i am not in a good mood. I didnt even want to write all this crap here, but even then i am doing it. I see people all around me, three kids on the street stoning a poor dog, i try to stop them but they dont stop. They might even pelt the stones at me..i dont know...so i dont insist anymore. Married couples out for a evening walk in this busy street coz thanks to the city which is called Mumbai, they dont have any park to go to ..i see people without the basic amenities..10 people stuffed into a tiny room...a common bathroom..the public utility which more than a 1000 people use everyday.....a sign board under which tons of garbage is dumped....all out of the bin...
the sign board reads CLEAN UP! ..almost funny ..is it?

The only thing i need to do now is CLEAN UP! my mind.. Life is good sometime, sometimes it is not too good... but still it is life. I guess we have our share of joy, great times, good times, better times, bad times. Right now, I am studying people....its good to sit somewhere and observe the people walking by, doing all sort of things. Guys just trying to impress girls, some other just talking about girls, other looking busy in their own personal ways..some doing loose talk....its good time pass thing@!! but its sllly tooo
....but who the hell gives a damn
Just now i had a Facebook thing also...i made me facebook......its in a mag here.....so i just made one!!!